Last week I did a post on the burnt-down Ebeano Supermarket in Abuja, asking for people’s
thoughts on the matter. Thanks to everyone that contributed. Many people thought the girl
was demonic, some believed she was coached to destroy that business, some believed that
her parents were failures, some blamed the company for its share of the negligence while
some believed she was old enough to be responsible for her actions. Truth be told, any of
these could be true. However, my thoughts are candid and blunt and everyone may not
agree with me. But, even if you disagree, please take it as a lesson as you parent your kids.
One of the opinions I agree with the most is that there is a high possibility that, that girl was
simply being mischievous, a juvenile mischief gone awfully bad. Look at the following true-
life stories:

1. My son, (a twin) when he was about 4, would always tell us “daddy/mummy I can
   drive”. They were both so bold, audacious and energetic there was nothing they
   could not attempt. We always feebly told them “no you can’t”, until one day he
   engaged her mum’s car gear into neutral and the car, fortunately, rolled to a stop,
   with him and his twin brother in the car.
2. My younger sister told me a hilarious story while discussing this issue with me. She
   remembered how that, many years ago while dad was driving at night, as she sat in
   the front on mum’s laps, she would stylishly and mischievously push the gear back
   into neutral each time dad, driving, engaged the gear. It was our dad’s old, manual
   VW Beetle in the ‘70s. She was enjoying the dangerous prank as dad complained
   aloud, wondering what had gone wrong with the gear box. Till date, she alone knew
   what she did. I wish she confessed before the old man passed on lol.
3. Another family friend while we also discussed this told me her story. The family had
   gone for recreation at the National Stadium in Abuja. Her highly exuberant and
   vivacious 9-year old girl, on sighting the Olympic-size swimming pool ran out of
   excitement from the parents’ side at the speed of light and dived into the pool – the
   deepest side! Guess what, she had never swam!
   Friends, I can go on and on. Anyone who has either a strong-willed child, or a hyperactive,
   energetic child will be able to connect. If however you’re blessed with compliant, highly
   obedient, always-well-behaved children, your experience will be different and it will be easy
   for you to blame those whose kids are tempestuous. Does anyone remember 7-year old
   Success? She is the irrepressible Delta kid who gained international fame about 2 years ago
   when her video went viral. She said in Pidgin English “if dem say dem stubborn, I go tell dem
   say I stubborn pass them”. Thank God, her stubborn and naughty behaviour turned out
   positive and we all celebrated her. But no one should tell me that girl is not capable of doing
   many negative things.
   What is the message here? The 9-year old “arsonist” may simply be displaying mischief. As
   far as she was concerned, the lighters on the shelf are play items. And from the way she

walked to that corner of the supermarket, she must have been going there with her mum or
an adult. For such a child with a high propensity for mischief, not once must the parent’s eye
be away from her. This is where I agree that the mother, who should have known the
daughter’s tendency is culpable of parental negligence. If we ever went into a mall with my
boys, we could almost hold them with chains if permitted, because we knew what they
were capable of doing. Yet we had a daughter before them who carried herself with an
amazing maturity, even as a kid. We had no reason to worry about her safety one day.
This is parenting for you. As I said in my earlier write-up on Supernatural Parenting, when
your child succeeds, it is the height of arrogance to beat your chest and take the credit.
Similarly, never judge the other parent until you are sure of the facts. Their reality you may
never know. Whatever truly happened on that day, only God and investigation can reveal.
We all can only conjecture. To enter into a conclusion with a conviction that lacks a factual
basis is an unfair assessment that is bereft of empathy.
WATCH OUT FOR MY BOOKS ON PARENTING.
‘Femi Adekunle

ParentingonmyMind