I was at an examination centre where parents and guardians came to drop their children
and wards. I heard a mum say “Emeka, go in and make us proud”, and something made
me uncomfortable. Why must Emeka make YOU proud, and not himself, or simply wish
HIM well?
I don’t know how many times I have heard such statements. We often tell our children,
“You have just made me proud”, or announce to the whole world “my daughter has
made me proud”. ‘What is wrong in that’? I can almost hear you say. I will tell you what is
wrong. At the end of the day if you don’t agree, take it as my humble but candid opinion.
Every parent wants their children to do well, and when they do, we are not only happy,
we feel like showing them off. However, subconsciously, we put our children under so
much pressure that we make their performance about us and not about them. In the
process, we fail to recognise our selfishness, self-conceitedness and ego trip. This is the
reason why we launch every achievement of theirs on our social media platforms, eager
to announce how they have “made us proud”. Don’t get me wrong. For those who love to
do this, it’s your prerogative, and it’s not a sin. However, my point is this: when we tell
our children to “go and make us proud”, we are piling undue pressure on them and often
times, even without them recognising it, they go out there with those words at the back
of their minds wanting to impress us, but it’s less about them, their potential and ability.
Let’s propel our children to greatness by making them know that whatever achievements
they have, is first and foremost for their benefit before anyone else. That’s why there is a huge difference between “I am so proud of you” and “you have made me so proud”.

Time and space will not permit me to scan this thoroughly, but whereas the former
acknowledges the child, his efforts, accomplishment and luminary as well as encourages
him or her, the latter flaunts us, and our cryptic, hidden ego. Let’s change our vocabulary
and give our children the wings to fly.

Yes, this is kind of table-shaking and may be unnerving , but as I said earlier, it’s my
opinion.

#ParentingonmyMind

‘Femi Adekule